Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize