You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
