no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
