i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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