i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
