Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize