Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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