the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
