Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
