He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I could make wine with my vomit
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
