did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
