so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
