we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
