I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize