You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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