Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
