i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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