I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
