you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just cropdusted the office
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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