Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i came on her dog
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
