You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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