Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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