You're completely useless in the revolution.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
