i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
