remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
