Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I skipped work to stalk him.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
