When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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