if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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