2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
