I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
