I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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