hotel room ftw
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
