Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I understand Curling. That high.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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