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I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
