Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
