U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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