that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
