I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
