My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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