If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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