Kiss
Puke
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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