I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
