I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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