He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
