We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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