i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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