Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
