hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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