I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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