Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
