I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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