So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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