I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
