I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
