That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
pray to the hookup gods
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