She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
