I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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