this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
