Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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