Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
