One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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