I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
