shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize