I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
