Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I deserve this hangover.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
