he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
