i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
