hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
