You can't special order awesome
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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