Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
