Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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