I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
