If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they need to just BURY HIM!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
