Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
