'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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