he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
