And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
