And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
