but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
