i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
