Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
