I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize