She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
