Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Damn victory sex feels great
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
