12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
