i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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