Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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