Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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