What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
