is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
