she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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